Famous urban planning Dr. Larry Beasley was in town last week. While I had to work during this talks (I did get to see the famous Hilary though), he sat down with The OurYXE Podcast. It’s worth a listen. I walked away thinking how much more Saskatoon could be and how our politicians need to step up and do a better job in leading up to what we need to become.
Kudos to Sean Shaw for setting up the interview
In January, Jordon and two of his colleagues at The Lighthouse started to work out at Fitness on 25th. It is the gym run by the YWCA in Saskatoon. Jordon’s shoulder is still bothering him but the cross trainer (or elliptical trainer) keeps his shoulder loose while giving him a good workout. He also is known to put up 100 shots in the gymnasium to keep in shape.
He went out and bought some lightweight Starter shoes from Wal-Mart and away he went. I started to think about this and realized that I am 43 years old and I needed to start to work out aggressively and often so I joined as well.
Fitness on 25th is a great gym. Nice locker rooms and fantastic personal trainers. I spend most of my time on the cardio equipment upstairs It’s close enough to walk down to but far enough that it is a big of a workout as well. Once spring comes, I’ll walk it all of the time.
The downside of the gym for me is not being able to go at a regular time. While I would love to go with Jordon, Chris, and Jeff, that’s not going to happen with my work schedule. The goal is five times a week and I am coming close to doing that.
The weekend was an interesting one. I have been wanting to straighten my hair for months and finally Jordon just said, “Go do it and stop procrastinating about it.” I did and I like how it looks. I plan on getting it coloured over the next week as well. I was so focused on doing this that I just let the house look chaotic.
I never gave credit to Jordon for the amount of cleaning he does. He would come home at 5:00 p.m. and sometimes clean until I got home at 10:00 p.m. I would then get up, make breakfast, make lunch, do some baking and leave him a mess all over again when I would head to work at 4:00 p.m. and the cycle would start all over again. It was frustrating for Jordon but I often just ignored it because, hey, that’s what I do.
While the idea of me being at home in the evenings was supposed to make things better for us, it has made things worse as in the evenings I am just making a big mess the entire time and there is no time for Jordon to clean up which frustrates him and me. He hates a messy house and it is driving him crazy.
On Friday I came home and made a big mess, Saturday came and I made a bigger mess and on Sunday we were supposed to meet some friends for coffee and go to Wintershines and Jordon walked into the kitchen and just kind of was overwhelmed at the mess. When I went to look at it, every square inch of counter space was covered in dishes as was the kitchen table. He doesn’t get really angry that often but this was it and he said, “You go, I need to stay behind and clean” which is the first time he has ever done that. So after delaying my departure and hoping it was a bluff, it wasn’t and I took the boys to Wintershines and when I had come home, Jordon had done numerous loads of dishes, some laundry, and had cleaned up a bunch of my mess. He had cooled down a lot but he was right, I had just left a big mess. As Jordon said, “It’s not a clutter issue, it’s my lack of desire to finish something” that creates so much chaos. As mad as I was initially about Jordon staying behind, I was really relieved. If Jordon hadn’t stayed, I would been overwhelmed for days.
For years working evenings and weekends at Safeway, I never had any idea how hard he worked at keeping the house presentable and how much of a mess I made when I was there. A big part of this is my horrible time management. We were to meet some friends at 11:00 a.m. but in the end I waited until the last minute. For my birthday Jordon bought me a new watch with the idea that I have to wear it but in the end, I still procrastinate and put things off when I need to be doing them. I am an INTP which means procrastination comes easy for me but that’s really no excuse.
A couple of years ago I was seeing a counsellor about a bunch of things and he reminded me that I tend to introvert to the point where I don’t think about anyone else, not Jordon, not the boys, and not my friends and work. I was so focused on what I was thinking that I shut out the world around me. Even this week I told Jordon I would meet him at work at 10:00 a.m. and it was after 1 p.m. when I showed up. My internal excuse was, things just happen but in the end, that’s not it. I just get self-absorbed on what I want to get done and leave things that need to get done until after. I am not sure that is healthy when you are single but it definitely isn’t when you are married and a mother.
While it could have been a bad end of the weekend, when I came home Jordon had done a lot of cleaning and we were able to go out. Like I have written before, I can drive him crazy and he just hits an internal reset switch and is able to start over again. It’s his biggest strength. We went down to The Lighthouse where I paid some penance by doing some cleaning and helping out down there while he got some work done.
Tonight we are taking the boys down to Wintershines and yes, the house is clean.
I posted a Christmas Gift Guide to Jordon’s weblog today. It’s a guide on what to get your brother in law or in the case of me, what to get the brother in law who has everything. Have fun taking a look around and while you are at it, check out Jordon’s excellent Christmas gift guide for the homeless and those living in a homeless shelter.
It was 12 years ago today that I got married to Jordon in Saskatoon. There has been a lot of great days along the way but this last year has been a hard one. Like I wrote a couple of days ago, this year has been a train wreck for me and Jordon has paid quite a price for living in the vicinity as I have imploded time and time again.
This year was really hard. Since Oliver has been born I have been getting more and more depressed and spending more and more of my life in a fog. We would try a depression medication, the dosage would increase, they would increase it again, I would ask Jordon for a divorce, we would change medications, I would tell Jordon how much I hated being in the room with him, increase in medication again, I stopped talking to Mark somewhere along the way, medication was increased yet again, I moved into an alternative reality, I started compulsively lying to Jordon, became a little paranoid, medication changed again, more hatred for Jordon and Mark and so on.
Finally Jordon had enough and I found out how hard I could push him and I was asked to move out which I blamed on him being stressed at work (ignoring the fact that during this time, he was walking to and from his work so he would spend less time around me and he wasn’t stressed out when I wasn’t there). He finally made as a condition of me staying here that I had to go back to the doctor (I had started skipping appointments) and see a qualified therapist who could deal with me.
The first step was being weaned off the medication and I just fell apart. I think it was at that time that I started to see what Jordon and Mark got to see. I don’t know why the blinders came off then but the started to. Now that I am on Celexa I am starting to feel a little better. It is a little disconcerting to see that it is for serious depression sufferers but as Jordon dryly said, “The stuff for minor depression and anxiety sure wasn’t working.”
The second step was understanding that somewhere along the line that I become so introverted under stress that Jordon, Oliver, and Mark stop existing. I was talking about this with Jordon today and I was talking about being an introvert and he reminded me that what I start to do is no being a introvert, it is a survival mode I move into under stress.
The third step is really hard to accept but I have no ability to think critically. When I say that I can’t, he is what doesn’t happen with me.
Critical thinking calls for a persistent effort to examine any belief or supposed form of knowledge in the light of the evidence that supports it and the further conclusions to which it tends. It also generally requires ability to recognize problems, to find workable means for meeting those problems, to gather and marshal pertinent(relevant) information, to recognize unstated assumptions and values, to comprehend and use language with accuracy, clarity, and discrimination, to interpret data, to appraise evidence and evaluate arguments, to recognize the existence (or non-existence) of logical relationships between propositions, to draw warranted conclusions and generalizations, to put to test the conclusions and generalizations at which one arrives, to reconstruct one’s patterns of beliefs on the basis of wider experience, and to render accurate judgments about specific things and qualities in everyday life.
In other words, I tend to not make good decisions under fire and that is hard to take. Jordon joked with me that I am the opposite of being an “idiot savant” but rather I am competent in many areas, just not critical thought. Some people can’t juggle, I can’t think critically (or juggle now that I think about it).
I don’t know if I am going to get better at this or not. I hope I do but for now my life at home works better if I have some structure. I work well from a list. At night Jordon and I agree on tomorrow’s list and then we talk as he is leaving in the morning. My name isn’t Earl but my to-do list is pretty important to me. It also keeps from freelancing which is pretty important. The big thing about keeping the list is that I have a thought through plan of action. When it’s not on the list, it could be an experience in chaos and chaos comes naturally to me.
Speaking of lists, Jordon gave me a four pack of lists for travelers from Chapters/Indigo. I have lists for packing, planning a vacation, day trips, and sending Mark to camp. The gift is a bit of a joke as I do a horrible job of packing for the lake so maybe this will give me some order.
Since going through this, I am coming to grips with some of what I have said and done over the last couple of years. A couple of people have told me that it was bad enough that they suggested to Jordon he get a divorce. It makes me think to look back at the last couple of years and I am glad that Jordon and I are still together.
For our anniversary today, we had hoped to celebrate a bit but Oliver not doing well, we went to Chilli’s and had an absolutely horrible meal (52 minutes to get our food and it was cold when it came out) and I tried to go out and get Jordon something. That didn’t go so well at first but I managed to humor Jordon and Mark a bit.
I am so thankful today that we are all together and I promise that next year will be better.
Jordon wrote the cover story for a recent edition of Next-Wave about the complexities of homelessness, and social services, and the disconnect churches have in understanding, and engaging them. He says churches are outside of the system for the following reasons.
An awkward relationship with the social gospel. Fundamentalists equate it with liberalism, while many evangelicals see it as secondary mission.
Despite humble roots on the fringe of society, evangelicals have become upper and middle class over time. Part of it is most larger churches are upper middle class and full of people who choose to live in the suburbs to get away from the social problems of the core neighborhoods. It isn’t just a quality of housing and financial differences, but a difference in values.
While much of the discussion on poverty and homelessness deals with financial issues, this is often a superficial treatment. It isn’t just financial problems that lead people to the streets. There are complex mental health issues that haven’t always been addressed and in some cases, the people refuse to address them. Those issues take a lot of time, training, resources and physical presence to overcome and in case you haven’t noticed, in times of tough economy, coming up with the money to have a long term presence if you are all not committed to the cause, is a tough, tough sell.
FINALLY TO MANY CHURCHES SEE THE PROBLEM AND SEE THEMSELVES AS THE SOLUTION AS OPPOSED TO BEING A SMALL BUT AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE SOLUTION.