After years of battling unipolar depression (or major depressive disorder), it is still a part of my daily life. Luckily I don’t suffer from the manic episodes but it does mean that I hate life for months at a time. It sucks and Jordon pays quite a price for it. It is best described by Winston Churchill as “my black dog”. I wish I could say that Saskatchewan’s ground breaking Medicare took good care of me but mental health care in the province is really hard to access. After years of waiting to see a psychiatrist, I finally got into a clinical psychologist and because a combination of him being on holidays and my family doctor leaving the province, my file was closed and so I am back on the waiting list again with a new family doctor. If it wasn’t for Jordon’s ability to put up with me, I don’t know if I would have made it this far. It’s scary to think about sometime.
I really don’t understand the game of football. Despite being a football fan of the Saskatchewan Roughriders and the Denver Broncos (you don’t have any choice living in this house) and watching a lot of Babineau Warriors practices and games, there are times when I really have no idea what has happened.
I learned a fair bit about Android and smart phones. Jordon gave me a new Android powered smartphone for our anniversary and it’s the first time i have really had a computer in my pocket and I liked it. He later left his beloved Blackberry Curve behind and joined the dark side when he bought a Samsung Galaxy Ace and of course my Kobo Vox is powered by Android. I know what a .apk is, how to manage apps, and of course I can now play Angry Birds on multiple platforms.
If Jordon goes to be before me, Maggi cuddles up to him on the bed but when I walk in, she looks at me, slowly gets down and sulks in her bed despite me always wanting Maggi to cuddle with me. I am starting to realize that it must be an “alpha female” thing or as Jordon says, she thinks I spend too much time with Hutch. Either way it is weird.
I never played sports competitively growing up and I never learned the idea that you have to do things to the right way to be successful. Jordon preached that to me all year. For years I got by with a combination of being funny and cute and trying hard but I never learned process. Part of it is my personality type, INTP’s aren’t big on process but part of it is laziness. Getting through the depression needs some discipline and I never had it. I did make some progress by creating processes and systems for paying bills, making meal plans, and even planning out events with the kids on a calendar but I have a lot of work to do. Making it up as I go along might have worked when I was 20 but I am 42 now and part of a family of 5.5 (Hutch is only a 1/2) and by me making things up as I go along, I hurt everyone. I am realizing that structure, planning, and organization are all good things.
I am co-dependent and it was hard to deal with rather than just be enabled. I cut some big time ties to work this year and instead started to focus on people that needed me (my kids). Work was a consistent when my life was chaos but in the end I realized my putting it first was creating more problems than it was solving.
I am a packrat and that is a big thing that is changing. We have tossed out box after box of stuff. No I am not recycling or donating because I use that as an excuse to put off making a decision. A lot of the stuff is just going to the garbage. There are books, CDs, DVDs, and even big pieces of furniture. I realize that I need space to be what I want to be and clutter gets in my way. As stuff comes in to my life, the same amount of stuff needs to go back out. I am not giving up being a consumer but I want to consume less stuff going forward. Not all stuff is good stuff.
Now that my schedule allows for a social life (no more working evenings and weekends), I am learning to re-engage socially with the world around me. It means going to the occasional movie, having a date with Jordon or spending the evening chilling out with Mark and Oliver. It’s been lost for years. I am glad to have it back again.
I am learning to be a bit of a gamer. I am not going to hold my own playing Modern Warfare but I am getting decent on my Nintendo DS and on the Wii. It’s progress. As an aside, Jordon took a solemn oath when Mark was born that he was always going to be a better gamer than his kids. So every once in a while Mark will pass a game and then Jordon will come along and pass it quicker at a harder level. Of all of the things to take a solemn oath over…
I discovered good television in 2011. The Wire, Mad Men, Arrested Development, Modern Family… some because of Netflix, some because of Jordon but if I am going to watch television, it needs to be good television.
So that is what I learned in 2011. What did you learn?
After three weeks of violently coughing, I am over the worst of it. Finally. I have no voice (I coughed it out last week) but I am not coughing so hard I throw up. It seems like a big victory.
Here is what what is new around here.
I turned 42 and I was able to get out for dinner with the Reimers, Lee/Brittany and Jordon/Oliver. Mark didn’t come as he has been ridiculously bad and is grounded to the kitchen table for a while longer. This hurt me quite a bit as no one likes seeing their son struggle and it really hurt him but after some tears were shed, he is understanding that every action has a consequence. He has promised to make it up to me and is taking Jordon, Oliver, and I out for lunch on Christmas Eve. Reimers got me a great light/smell infuser while Lee/Brittany gave me a gift card for Indigo. Lee promptly told me he wanted a Christmas gift from Indigo so it will all work out in his mind.
Jordon is feeling a bit better but is still quite ill. It made for a quiet weekend around the house as Jordon really needed the weekend to rest up and get better. His hearing still sucks and that is a concern but it is going to take a while to come back.
Maggi has ruined two Christmas gifts. She apparently has a smell for chocolate. Dumb dog.
Christmas shopping is done except I need to get some batteries and some more wrapping paper which I will do at Dollarama tomorrow. We picked up a couple of last minute gifts this weekend but we more or less avoided the craziness that was the malls. Jordon went into Cool Collectibles to get himself a Saskatchewan Roughrider lanyard and that just about drove him insane. We went to Canadian Tire which was full of good deals and small crowds and Wal-Mart which was not nearly as scary as you would think this close to Christmas.
Here is a quick post of what is happening around here.
For Mark’s birthday we bought him a Coleman pocket watch. Mark loved it but lost it one day and was just crushed. Over the last couple of weeks Mark has been doing a lot of good work around the house taking care of Oliver, shovelling snow, and just being an all around nice kid. We pay Mark extra allowance and baby-sitting money but Jordon replaced the watch today over lunch. Mark almost cried he was so happy. He is now only going to wear it on special occasions.
Mark had been saving up his babysitting money and allowance and bought himself a new iPod Shuffle. I had a second generation one and really liked it and Mark loves his new one. Maggi loves it as well because ever since Mark got it, he has been taking Maggi for some longer and more frequent walks.
Christmas shopping is almost done. Mark and Oliver are totally done. Lee is almost done. I know what I am getting Jordon and the only one left is Brittney but we are pretty sure what we are getting her. It’s been a pretty stress free Christmas so far and I am enjoying it.
We are spending Christmas Eve at Lee’s new house. He moves in at the end of the month. We are really excited about it but the big news around here is that he is leaving Hutch with Mark. Here I thought our household would be getting smaller. Now the boarder is now part of the family. Jordon told Lee today that he is totally flexible with Christmas as long as it doesn’t involve going to Wal-Mart on Christmas Eve.
With Lee moving out, we can move some of the stuff we are storing out to his place. I haven’t mind storing it but more space is more space. On top of that I have been storing a lot of stuff down there that I finally needed to get rid of
Jordon said goodbye to Blackberry this week and went to the dark side with his new Samsung Galaxy Ace. He loved his Blackberry but after he got me an Android, he realized that better apps meant more to him than Blackberry Messenger.
Our Christmas Village is being put up tonight. It takes up our dining table but we plan to host a Christmas party this year so I may take over a small desk we have in the corner of the living room. Oliver is at the age where here is more careful and less clumsy than in the past so we will see how it goes.
On October 18th, 1997 Jordon and I were married at the Saskatoon Free Methodist Church. Since then a lot has changed and I was thinking about what to write. Since it has been 14 years with Jordon, here are 14 things you probably never knew about him.
He drove from Saskatoon to Lake Louise to propose to me. I said yes.
He has read a Tom Clancy novel in one sitting. Not one of the Ops-Center novels but a full fledged 2000 page hardcover in one sitting. When I came home from work his eye was twitching and he was complaining of a headache. He also came to the conclusion that you can skip the first 800 pages of any Tom Clancy novel and not miss a lot.
His favourite season is fall and would love to spend every fall up at the cabin, especially if it is cool & raining. It explains why we are headed down to the cabin this weekend.
A therapist has once said that the reason we are still together is that Jordon has an effective reset switch. He has a tremendous capacity to give grace and never gives up on people. It’s his biggest strength and at the same time is probably his greatest source of pain.
He can’t drink a cup of coffee. It goes cold or stale before he finishes it. He also views microwaving coffee as a sin so he wastes a lot of coffee.
It’s been about eight years ago that Jordon and his father had their last conversation. I doubt they will ever talk again. Jordon’s not mad at him, he just doesn’t have anything to tell him.
Jordon’s a strong introvert and as a INTJ, is categorized as an underdeveloped feeler. In other words, “Feeling has a modest inner room, two doors down from the Most Imminent iNtuition. It doesn’t get out much, but lends its influence on behalf of causes which are Good and Worthy and Humane. We may catch a glimpse of it in the unspoken attitude of good will, or the gracious smile or nod. Some question the existence of Feeling in this type, yet its unseen balance to Thinking is a cardinal dimension in the full measure of the INTJ’s soul.” No his feelings don’t get out much.
Jordon doesn’t smoke or drink and his great escape in life is sports, particularly the NFL and baseball. I have always wondered why it they are games of strategy and statistics, two things that keep his mind engaged.
Everyone makes a big deal of his move from being a conservative to being a liberal but he has always been progressive theologically and culturally. It really isn’t a big deal but coming from a Tory background and being a former pastor, people assume that he was once conservative. Nope, he has always been a liberal that just doesn’t like deficits.
Of all of the things Jordon owns, he loves his dog the most. He always has. There was Misty, Elway and now Maggi. Despite him joking that he wants to trade Maggi in for a boxing kangaroo, he would be lost without a dog.
He believes partisan politics should be tough and hates it when candidates complain of lawn signs being torn down. During the 1988 election he and a now “high ranking PMO official” tore down hundreds of lawn signs. His childhood house was located in a ward known as a the “war zone” and after NDP supporters drove over his lawn sign one night, they put one back up and half buried a cinder block underneath it which wrecked the car the next night who did the same thing. There were also threats made in an opposing campaign office. What’s even funnier is when I heard the NDP campaign team tell their version of the story and laugh about it. Politics was tougher back then. It also means that he has to fight the instinct to go out at night and tear down lawn signs. It’s a kind of like the Hulk controlling his temper…
Jordon buys DVDs and never buys them. We have a shelf full of great movies that are still in their shrink wrap. I have come to the conclusion that his ADD doesn’t let him watch movies well. There are concerts, TV shows, movies, mini series, his lack of attention span doesn’t discriminate. If you ever want to come over and watch a movie, we have some.
He once had the crap beat out of him by the A&W Root Bear. It was a Calgary Olympic hockey team practice at the Calgary Southland Leisure Centre in 1983. He claims innocence but I am not buying his story that, “The bear just snapped!”. What makes the story funnier is that former Montreal Canadiens and Calgary Flames coach Al MacNeil had to step in and save him (also not buying that he was saved from “certain death”). He did get his revenge years later.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you out there. For me it’s a quiet day with friends and family. Mark gave me a hammock chair that will be great at the cabin (if the water stops rising). Even cooler was that the hammock chair was on sale for 33% off when they bought it. (my chair is blue and white, a little different then the one pictured)
Of course the guys being the guys, had an ulterior motive. Last year every time one of us would achieve optimum relaxation on our hammock, Oliver would come out of nowhere and attack us and knocking us to the ground. This gives Oliver another target. That being said, he will just attack both of us.
My other gift was a heavy duty immersion blender. Mine finally died and I really wanted another one. I know guys get in trouble for giving out appliances but this is one that I really wanted.
I also wanted a new recipe box. After looking around at some kitchen places and not wanting to pay $35 for a cardboard box, we checked out Staples and they had these recipe boxes that I really liked for just under $10. Perfect.
One more thing, Maggi bought me a new headlamp. Jordon told the dog that he’s tired of me always using his (and never putting it back). Maggi is just hoping for some late night walks at the lake. I fear what we will find.
Later this morning, the boys are taking both me and the Reimers to the Saskatoon InnTony Romas for Mother’s Day brunch. After that I will find some time to think about where to hang my new chair before Lee stops by for supper.
Lots of flooding and highway closures. This was Highway 16 west of Lanigan as we drove through a flooded out section. Arlington Beach is very soggy as well due to Last Mountain Lake being so high.
Great fire last night. It was the first time that the rocks surrounding the washer drum were hot to the touch from the heat from the fire. Part of the reason was that the deer did so much damage to trees that there was a lot of kindling around to get a hot fire going.
Jordon has the flu. He was sick with a stomach flu and a fever for most of the weekend.
Deer did a lot of damage. So did the beavers. The beavers generated a flurry of gun fire.
We went into Strasbourg and I discovered Every Little Thing. What a great little store in the middle of the Saskatchewan prairies. I can’t wait to go back.
For Easter we gave the boys a couple of gifts. Oliver was given a Transformer car and a small dog that looks like Maggi while Mark got a Denver Broncos football and Under Armour workout shirt. Jordon gave me an ankle bracelet, a toe ring, and some trinkets for the cabin. I gave Jordon a laptop messenger bag, a new mouse, and a stapler (don’t ask, he’s a geek)
After we are done that, then it is off to the cabin for the weekend. It’s our first weekend at the lake for 2011 and we have to bring up the stuff that we bought for the cabin this winter. Some new solar lights, two bentwood chairs, an iPod dock, as well as start stocking up on the food for the summer months. Oh right, we have one crazed dog who can’t wait to get out to the lake.